Monday, August 2, 2010

Fat pastors...

I want to write a book about pastors. Fat pastors are not the only one's I'll poke fun of, but their fleshy mid-sections summon jabs from my bony finger. Some pastors are fat. Some are flatulent--at the mouth or otherwise. Some are lazy. Some are exhibitionists. Some exploit. Some steal (sermons and sheep). Some play favorites. Some play dumb.

All pastors are people. Each one has sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. The sins listed above, however, are pardonable. (Aren't all save for blasphemy of the spirit?) Actually, for pastors these sins are more than pardonable, they are promoted. To succeed in American churches, clergy must practice some iteration of these pardonable sins.

Now, the reader might wonder: "Is he serious?" Usually not, I retort.

"Seriousness is not a virtue," Chesterton wrote. "It would be a heresy, but a much more sensible heresy, to say that seriousness is a vice. It is really a natural trend or lapse into taking one's self gravely, because it is the easiest thing to do... For solemnity flows out of men naturally; but laughter is a leap. It is easy to be heavy; it is hard to be light."

Perhaps that is why pastors are fat. So I must write a book to help some of them lighten up.

  • Chesterton was also fat, weighing over 300 pounds
  • I really do want to write this book, but I don't know who would read it
  • My list of pardonable sins excluded 'boring' because I'm not sure translates to success

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