Tuesday, July 3, 2007

Sugar Purge and American Dieting

"You look like you could be anorexic."

My wife heard this only two weeks after her second pregnancy ended in a C-section. To a degree, the comment sounded like a compliment. Of course, compared to a full-term mother-to-be, NFL linebackers look anorexic.

On Sunday morning I announced to the congregation my and Liz's goal to purge from complex sugars for the month of July. The task is more difficult than it sounds. Complex sugars are the staple of American dieting. I was afraid I would be charged with treason from the pulpit and banned from the Pledge.

But before an insurrection broke out, I appeased the masses by tossing candy bars into the seating area. My office was home to eight full-sized Hersey products and more than 100 miniatures. I had no chance of fulfilling my vow if temptation filled my desk drawers. Oh, sweet saccharine ecstasy. I will release you from your foil gown and let you melt in my mouth.

The Great Sucrose Purge began shortly after the birth of our first daughter. Pregnancies often culminate with a gluttonous sense of entitlement. The exhaustion, pain, and expectation are appeased with donuts, candy bars, Frappucinos, and ice cream. And that's just for the husband.

By design, the purge released us from compulsive, entitled eating and detoxified our bodies. The second purge intends to do the same. My fear, however, is that the unintended consequence is a lack of dinner invitations from people in the church.

No comments: